see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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