He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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