My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
