I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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