why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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