i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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