oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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