But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
