Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
