Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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