last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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