Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake