I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.