My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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