at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
