I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
