I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I could make wine with my vomit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
