come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
