I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize