i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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