I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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