I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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