Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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