I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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