All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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