I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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