Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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