can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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