you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
