btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
