i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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