I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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