Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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