shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
