Whatcha textin bout Willis?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
