do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
