It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
