Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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