I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
