You're completely useless in the revolution.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
