hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
