I think I died a long time ago.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
