I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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