I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
