omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
