Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
