How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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