is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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