Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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