T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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