Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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