"it" just moved
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
