He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
