so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
