I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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