The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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