I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
