Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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