Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
