I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You had me at "let me see your balls"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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