I hate your face
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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