Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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