Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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