She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
