Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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