And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
