You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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