She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
