Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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