the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
