Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I still have a little drunk in my system
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
