Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
