Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
