what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
