so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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