Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
