i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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