if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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