I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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