i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
