I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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