oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
